Jane, you're not made for this
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "'Okay. Okay. This is gonna be alright. We've been through this once. This time, it's gonna be perfect. I won't panic this time, I swear. I love you. I love you! Okay! Now I just need to find my car keys and my phone,' Jane said, his voice a little more high-pitched than usually. 'Have you seen my car keys? I put them right here, but now they're gone'" Oh Jane... Jisbon, one-shot.


**A/N: So... I'm in a one-shot mood again. I don't know why I even get these moods, but I thought that since we get too less Jisbon at the moment, this was the perfect way to compensate that, right?**

**And I can't believe I've actually written this story. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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_"Tiny movements like tiny kicks_  
_Tiny baby, a mother's bliss_  
_Can't wait to give the tiny you_  
_Huge hugs and lots of kisses too"_

"I'm ho-o-ome," a familiar voice sang, and Lisbon rolled her eyes before walking to the door and planting a kiss on her husband's lips. Jane just smiled at her when they pulled away.

"Missed me?" he asked, and Lisbon huffed.

"Me? Missing _you_?"

"Oh, Lisbon, I'm offended. Are you really implying that you didn't miss me _at all_?" Jane asked, clutching at his heart and putting on a pout.

Lisbon sighed. "I may have missed you a bit... a _bit_."

"Oh, you weren't crying for me-"

"Don't push your luck, or I'll push _you_ off a cliff," Lisbon snapped, and Jane smiled.

"That's my girl."

Jane looked down, and his smile only increased when he saw a little human pulling on his legs.

"Hey there, Little One," Jane said, and picked up Vincent. The little boy smiled at his father.

"Did you see Grace today, Daddy?" Vincent asked, and Jane chuckled. He nodded.

"Yes, I did. And I said that I had to say for you that she was looking beautiful today," Jane said, and Vincent clapped in his little hands.

"Yay!" he said, a little too loud, and Jane winched.

"You had it coming – you know he's as vocal as you are," Lisbon said dryly, and wobbled over to the kitchen.

"Says you," Jane murmured, and then followed Lisbon.

"What's that supposed to mean? I keep my mouth shut when needed – _you _ on the other hand... You remember that time when we were just married and you-"

"Stop, we agreed not to talk about that anymore."

"_You_ did, _I_ didn't."

Jane rolled his eyes, stole a quick kiss from her, before placing Vincent on the counter, and after making sure he didn't demolish anything, Jane went to stand beside Lisbon and looked at the dinner Lisbon was preparing. It didn't look as much, so Jane frowned.  
"What're you making?"

"Lasagna," Lisbon said. Jane frowned again, but when Lisbon pinched his chest, he stopped – Lisbon was not good at cooking and Jane had learned a long time ago not to make fun of it. Lisbon would be able to kill him with a paperclip, even while eight months pregnant.

Jane stopped Lisbon from walking to the fridge, and Lisbon sighed.

"Patrick, I need milk-"

"Let me get it. You sit down."

Lisbon sighed again, but gave in with a murmured 'Fine' and walked over to Vincent, taking him off the counter and on her lap when she sat down at the kitchen table.

Vincent turned on her lap, so that he was facing her, and he was smiling the mini-version of the 1000-watt smile.

"Mummy?" Vincent asked, and Lisbon smiled.

"Yes, Vinnie?"

"Do you love the baby in your tummy?"

"Of course I do."

"Why did you eat her then?"

Lisbon frowned, but when she heard Jane suppressing a laugh, she couldn't help but smile too.

"I didn't eat the baby, Vinnie. I told you before – I'm trying to grow a little baby in my tummy, so that you can get a baby brother or sister."

"I know that Mummy, you say that always," Vincent whispered, and his smile faltered a bit. "But how did the baby get there?"

"I, uh... There's this special cake that Daddy made for me that brings babies in people's tummies."

Vincent's eyes lit up. "Really? Then can I have that cake too?"

Lisbon chuckled. "No you can't, Vinnie, I'm sorry. Only mothers can eat the cake."

Vincent pouted, and then went back to his task of examining Lisbon's hair. Lisbon saw something was off – but she couldn't place her finger on it what.  
"Are you alright, Vinnie?"

Vincent nodded, but Lisbon knew that look all too well – it was the same expression Vincent's dad had when he was trying to be nice but failed miserably.

"I just want her to be here... I want to be a big brother!"

Lisbon sighed, and brushed Vincent's cheek. "I know, I want the baby to be here too."

"Hey, don't be sad you two," Jane said, and just when Lisbon was about to say something, they heard the distinctive sounds of pans and plates falling. Lisbon's head shot up, just in time to see Jane's head popping up above the counter.  
"Nothing happened! It's fine! Stay there!"

Lisbon rolled her eyes, and put Vincent down on the ground. Lisbon wobbled to where Jane was frantically working on cleaning up the mess he'd created, and she smiled.

"Let me help you," Lisbon said, and was about to carefully kneel down to collect some shards, when she clutched at her tummy and winched in pain.

Jane froze, and looked at her in what seemed like horror.

"What's wrong?"

Lisbon looked at him, her eyes less wide than the last time something quite the same happened three years ago, but they were wide nonetheless.

"The baby's coming," Lisbon whispered, and Jane dropped everything he was holding.

"I'm not due for another four weeks," Lisbon said when Jane went to support her and sat her down at the chair she'd just sat on. Jane shook his head.

"Babies don't exactly stick to schemes, Teresa," Jane said, and Lisbon could notice in his breathing that he was _way_ more panicked than she was. She smiled despite the growing pain in her abdomen.

"Okay. Okay. This is gonna be alright. We've been through this once. This time, it's gonna be perfect. I won't panic this time, I swear. I love you. I love you! Okay! Now I just need to find my car keys and my phone," Jane said, his voice a little more high-pitched than usually, and he was running around the kitchen and searching his pockets.

Vincent stood in the middle of the room, one finger in his mouth and looking confused at what was happening now. Lisbon signed for him to come closer.

"The baby heard you, Vinnie. She's coming now," Lisbon explained, and Vincent's eyes lit up.

"You have to go to the hospital!" Vincent exclaimed, and he then mimicked his father, running around to do whatever he had to do – probably collect his stuffed animals so that he could give them to the baby once she was there.

"Teresa, have you seen my car keys? I put them right _here_, but now they're gone!" Jane exclaimed, pointing at the counter. He let out a frustrated sound, and Lisbon rolled her eyes.

Even though Jane stated otherwise countless of times, Lisbon still found she was telling the truth when she said that men are most definitely not made for birth – and especially not Jane men.

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**A/N: Wow. I hadn't even planned for Lisbon to go into labor, but guess that the little female Jane in her tummy couldn't wait any longer to take a look at her beautiful parents and big brother, huh?**

**I thought about making this a multi-chap, but since I'm 17 (and I've got a big wish of becoming a mother, but just not yet) I know completely nothing about giving birth – the only things I know, I've seen in TV shows. Like, omigods, that's so reliable – not. So no, this stays a one-shot, even if you want me to make this longer. I'm sorry, Sweeties, that's just the way it is.**

**Let me know what you think in a REVIEW, thank you!**


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